After a very long hiatus, I'm back. I can't hide in a hole forever, especially with everything that's happening in our world as we start 2017.
I could do a long blog post about how personal politics feels for me and so many of my friends and family, but I won't. I'll let the photos speak for me.
A few of my favorites are below, but click here for the full gallery.
Spectators at the 2015 TCS NYC Marathon, preparing to cheer for participants as they make their way through Brooklyn.
I'm back! Here, look at this!
A young man waits for the F train at the York St. station, the last stop on the line before going into Manhattan from Brooklyn (or, the first stop in Brooklyn after leaving Manhattan)
Don't feel like reading the post? Go directly to the full album here!
I'm not really a parade person. The idea of having to stand there for potentially hours, waiting and waiting, smashed by dozens of other people in an attempt to see other people walk by you/wave at you from a float never appealed to me much (especially if it's in late November, sponsored by a popular department store, and features a ton of lip syncing).
But after the historic decision by The Supreme Court of the United States in Obergefell v. Hodges, I felt the NYC Pride Parade this year would probably feel even more joyous and charged with positive energy than ever. It was a celebration of identity and recognition of that identity's right to exist and be respected--a celebration of humanity. Just like the popular hashtag proclaims, #LoveWins. How could I not want to check it out? Also, Sir Ian McKellen was one of the Grand Marshals, so it was pretty cool to see him shaking spectators' hands, taking pictures, and giving hugs.
It was loud and colorful and fun and a privilege to be a part of this year, even if I was only a spectator.
Click here to see the full album of images from the NYC Pride Parade 2015!
On a gorgeous spring evening in May, I had the pleasure of photographing an engagement party for a lovely couple--Nick & Kate. The event was held at Gallow Green, the rooftop bar of the McKittrick Hotel. Dressed with lush plants, twinkling lights, and distressed wood furniture pieces, the garden setting did a wonderful job of making you feel like you were in a secret part of Manhattan that had fought against the steel and concrete surrounding it--and won. A jazz band and vocalist performed throughout the festivities, giving the warm night a cool vibe.
In terms of the technical aspects of shooting the event, this was the type of learning experience you get when you just do it. The party started around 6:00pm, with sunset scheduled for 8:20pm. The rooftop was partially covered with the foliage draped around the supports and scattered around the area. Figuring out how to best light each frame was actually more difficult than I had anticipated. I had my usual Canon 7D Mk I, sticking with a 50mm lens and 430EX II Speedlite. I also rented a Canon 5D Mk III, using my 28-105mm lens and other 430EX II Speedlite with it. I mounted that flash to the 5D with a bracket to give myself a few more angle options. I ended up loving that little bracket and was pleasantly surprised by how useful it was throughout the night.
I had to decide when it was worth it to try and bounce the light off the tall canopy vs. aiming the flash more directly at the subjects. At a party, you can't just keep asking your subjects to hold still while you readjust and re-do a shot. They want to get back to the party! So I actually would take 2 shots--one with the 7D and one with the 5D, with the flashes set at different angles and the camera with different manual settings that I would adjust based on darkness of an area and my distance from them (also another difficulty in a relatively crowded and small space--getting a decent distance between myself and the subjects so that the focus was solid and the distortion of angles minimal). This created a ton of options for me to sift through while I was editing, and I noticed that if I didn't get it with one camera, I at least had the other as an option.
I came as prepared as I could, but I was very nervous. I was so fortunate that the woman who hired me, Kate's mother Nancy, was incredibly kind and relaxed about what they needed from me. The happy couple was also kind and gracious, which is many times not the case when feeling the pressure and stress of planning a wedding. I wanted to give them my best possible effort not just because they were clients but because these life events--engagement parties, rehearsals, weddings--are so special and (hopefully) once in a lifetime. Preserving them through photos isn't an exercise in vanity, it's a way to accentuate and enhance the memories you carry with you. The joy and happiness that the couple, their family, and friends shared with each other that day was clear. They joked, they laughed, they shared sentimental and genuine hugs. It was a privilege to be amidst these moments, documenting what I could.
Overall, I was pleased with how the photos turned out (a few of which they've generously allowed me to share through the blog) and that I was able to capture the spirit of the engagement party. I learned so much from having the chance to do it, and I'm honored to have helped a wonderful young couple celebrate their love on a gorgeous spring evening in NYC.
"Playing Rough", taken May 25, 2015.
Testing out my Canon 50mm 1.4, catching this look from a pretty annoyed toddler. The scratches on his nose and face are from falling the previous day--definitely not stopping him from going full speed ahead the next day.
The self-portrait. Ugh. Every aspect of doing this mini-project was f***ing awful to me. I have enough residual anxiety that I titled this post with a biblical reference, and three sentences in, I'm using profanity.
Longer exposure...
...combined with...
...movement.
I didn't choose the title of this post by accident. I've avoided taking pictures of myself and being in other people's pictures enough that I knew that this would be terrifying for me, which is exactly the type of challenge I need right now. I needed to shoot myself. And it felt like shooting myself. A bit hyperbolic, but the anxiety is very real.
The debate and discussion that surrounds what even constitutes a "portrait" didn't simplify matters. Should I attempt to do a traditional portrait? Should I go for the more avant-garde or surreal? Should I do color? Black & White? How much should I edit in post? Should I use a backdrop or pick a location?
I recently talked about portraits with my dear friend Daisy, who is currently taking photography classes. She asked me what I thought the definition of a "portrait" is, and a few arm-chair photographer thoughts came to mind:
Of course there are certain steps you can take to make sure you have a solid, good portrait--having sufficient lighting, understanding your lenses, knowing which apertures and shutter speeds are appropriate for the situation, positioning your subject in a flattering pose, etc. But to create something special, something that really fits the subject and the photographer's style--that takes something outside the formula. It takes creativity and courage.
Clearly thrilled about this post.
So naturally, I felt pretty screwed from the outset.
I decided a few key things fairly quickly. I wanted this to be a simple shoot because it was just me, and I didn't want to spend too much time fretting over props or locations. Black & White in editing would be the way to go in order to enhance the way I was playing with the lighting. Also, Black & White photography is very forgiving--color photography is actually much harder than people realize. I used the backdrop and lighting equipment I had bought from the now defunct ArtPhotoArt Studio that had to close in February due to rent demands. It felt good to liberate the equipment from my basement and put it to work. I also decided to only use artificial light and close off the shutters in the space for more control. Finally, I knew that I wanted to focus on my face and only do shots above the shoulder, wearing a simple tank-top. Easy-peasy-lemon squeezy, right?
To quote one of my favorite movies, this was "Difficult, difficult, lemon-difficult." Holy crap, this was difficult on a technical level. I had my husband, Matt, sit for a couple of test shots just to get the general lighting positions and camera distance in place; however, once it was my turn to get in front of the camera, I had to keep getting up and down to see how each shot was turning out in order to adjust the focus and find the placement I needed for everything. Since I had closed the shutters and there was no air conditioner in the space, it got hot in there very quickly with the lighting equipment (I use continuous lights instead of strobes). I was sweaty and a little panicky and glaring at the lens...a lot.
Sweaty and annoyed while Self-Portraiting. I believe this speaks to the "Ugh, people" part of my personality. This is also my expression when the baby decides he doesn't want to eat any of the food I've made him.
Also, my glasses. SIGH. My lovely, adorable glasses became a pain in the ass because of the glare they created if I moved my head from a different angle than I had been in when I first set up the lights. Sure, I could have removed the glare in Photoshop, but the whole point of this exercise was to try and get over my fears and make a real effort to get the photo I wanted without a ton of editing. So I made the adjustments when I wanted to, and I let there be a glare when I wanted to. I just knew I didn't want to take off my glasses.
And I didn't want to wear makeup or dress up or do my hair. If you know me, you know that I'm lower than low maintenance. Don't get me wrong, I like to think I clean up nicely for special occasions or going out for dinner. But when I'm home, when I'm with my family and close friends just hanging out, I'm pretty Plain Jane. I don't hide it in my every day life, so why bother trying to hide it in my self-portrait?
In the end, I went with a mix of different types of faces and poses, trying to loosen up with each shot. I played with some longer exposures, some non-centered poses, and how much shadow I allowed the lights to create. Although I'm referring to this as a personal mini-challenge, I'm not framing the end result as "win" or "lose". I didn't expect to walk away with a mind-blowing self-portrait. The larger goal was to give it a go and just sit down in front of the camera. The "me" you're seeing in these photos is probably a more honest "me" than the Selfies I usually post on Instagram or Facebook (and look, no toddler in the photo with me!). I feel like the Selfie isn't so much for the subject of the photo as it is for the audience; but the self-portrait is so intimate that it's really for the subject while the audience's reaction is superfluous. If they like it, they like it. If not, at the very least, you learn something about the subject without a single word spoken.
I'm older. I'm tired. I don't always feel like smiling. I still make funny faces at the world in self-defense. Sometimes I just hide. But I'm trying.
That's "something", right?
If you've read a couple of my previous blog posts, you know that I've been thinking about all of the changes happening around New York City. Part of that change manifests in the renaming and re-bordering of neighborhoods. My own home sits on a street that is a kind of "no man's land" between South Slope and Gowanus, its designation changing depending on who you speak with and their own time in the City.
While the Deli is a mainstay of NYC life, the luncheonette is rapidly becoming a piece of history.
"Gowanus" as a neighborhood is a fairly new label. Large chunks of it was previously considered South Slope, Park Slope, or Carroll Gardens. A quick Google search for "Brooklyn Neighborhood Maps" combined with a Craigslist search for rentals in Brooklyn reveal how many different opinions there are about where and what each area is called. Although it may seem trivial what you call a neighborhood, it can make a huge difference in terms of the rent you pay and the cost of nearby amenities. Remember Elaine's delivery dilemma in that classic episode of "Seinfeld"? The struggle is real. Are you in the up-and-coming new area with massive growth potential? Are you in a solidly family-oriented and quiet neighborhood with the best public schools and hospitals? Will you be surrounded by artists and students or lawyers and techies? Your neighborhood's name can instantly reveal (or at least, give you a decent educated guess) the answers to those questions.
The shipping department of a clothing manufacturer.
I love wandering around this store. Some of the stuff is a bit pricey, but you can definitely find a bargain if you look hard enough.
This bright green storefront definitely catches your attention on the street. Also the fact that they sell used books along with reclaimed lumber.
I walked down 9th St. and a little bit of 10th St. below 3rd Ave because it cuts through some of the disputed border areas. It has a very strange mix of old industrial, residential, and new business up and down the street. And of course, you also get to cross the 9th St. Bridge that allows boats and other water vessels to pass through the Gowanus Canal (it puts the "fun" in Superfund!). I actually ended up arriving at the bridge just as a boat was coming through, a barge of trash attached to it. The smell was...intoxicating, in the most ironic and pun-filled way possible.
Waiting for the 9th St. Bridge to come back together and let us pass.
The subway station at Smith-9th St. has been undergoing construction and upgrades, and the modern architecture and shiny materials provide a striking contrast to the old luncheonette and deli below it. Across the street from the station sits a car wash/U-Haul parking lot that somehow seems perpetually dusty and never quite legitimate.
Shiny, dusty, decrepit, and new.
This mish-mash of industrial, commercial, and residential has made me wonder which will eventually win out. HAHA, just kidding, it's gonna be residential whether it's through legal means or not. Just like in Chelsea and the Lower East Side and Red Hook and Williamsburg--where abandoned factories became trendy lofts and condos--these strange brick buildings will probably transition into palatial multi-million dollar dwellings within my lifetime. I'm holding out hope that this portion of 9th St. between Smith and 2nd Ave. remains primarily industrial and commercial, with many of the spaces being rented out to musicians and artists that need studios for their work. The "next-big-thing" could be inside that brick building on 9th St. just before the bridge, recording their master track. I can only hope they live long enough to enjoy their success, as the toxic fumes wafting from the Gowanus during the summer months are difficult to avoid.
The Kentile Floors sign used to set atop the building in the right-hand side of the picture.
*ting* *sparkle sparkle*
You also can't help but notice the elevated train tracks, slicing through 9th St. before running parallel to 10th St. Sometimes it's funny for me to see these shining metal trains reflecting the sun's rays when just a few decades ago, Bruce Davidson captured the gritty, graffiti covered trains and their riders in his iconic series of photos about the New York City subway system. As much as we bitch and complain about the fare hikes, the occasional foul smelling train car, the delays, the inconvenient construction and repairs on lines (I like to mock the L Train riders as much as the next person, but I feel pretty terrible for them right now)--it's still amazing how efficiently it does run on the whole, especially since it's a 24 hour service (I'm glaring at you, BART, and your hilariously inadequate hours of operation).
And finally...here's a photo of a pizza place. Because I'm pretty sure I'm morally obligated as a New York resident to post one. Also, their to-go slices are delicious.
Pizza. Nom.
A man kneels next to his dog at the Prospect Park Farmer's Market (April 25, 2015)
"Life Goes On" (2nd Ave/E.7th St. in the East Village, the site where a gas explosion destroyed buildings and killed two people on March 26, 2015)
Things in New York City change. Duh.
Living in Brooklyn is a bit like living in a bubble. Correction--living in Brooklyn with a family and child to raise is like living in a bubble. I don't wander into Manhattan or Queens or the Bronx like I used to when I was single and on my own. I can't just leave my house whenever I want to catch a show or check out a bar or wander. It doesn't work like that for me anymore. That's fine. I'm too tired and lame for trendy places. I yawn far too often non-ironically nowadays. And, apparently, Child Protective Services frown upon leaving a toddler unattended.
Because I so infrequently visit the other boroughs, it's always jarring for me to see what has changed and what has remained the same despite that change. Storefronts that were staples of my first years in NYC disappear, replaced by trendy eateries and retailers. More corporate chains are popping up, but so are boutiques and specialty stores. Aging but legendary establishments feel dwarfed and overshadowed by their new, shinier, larger than life neighbors. The city feels much cleaner, and the almost predictable cycles of death/growth are strangely comforting; but the sterility and monotony of these changes rather ironically smack you in the face. Who knew I would sigh sadly upon seeing so many of the sex and smoke shops gone from 6th Ave.? That a tear would come to my eye when discovering the Coffee Bean on MacDougal St.?
Honestly, I'm mostly okay with these changes. I'm not in denial that they're going to happen. It's really only when places of great sentimental value disappear that I clutch at my heart. The restaurant where Matt and I had our wedding reception luncheon? Gone. The hole-in-the-wall sandwich place that my friends and I would frequent during late night cramming sessions in college? Gone. The bar where I had my first legal drink on my 21st birthday? Gone, and twice replaced (in fact, almost obliterated by the recent explosion in the East Village that killed two men and destroyed three pre-war buildings...while construction was underway).
Just as the city changes, I change too. I'm changing from that young kid who was intoxicated by the pace and energy of NYC, to the Brooklyn-bound/bound-to-Brooklyn parent that jumps on the train occasionally and reminisces about what used to be here and what used to be there. It's strange to bear witness to a city's constant transformation, but reminiscing and passing on these emotional memories fuel the ethos of "New York City" for each generation. So go ahead and sigh, roll your eyes at the "old timers". We don't mind.
You're next, after all.
(Psst! Don't want to read the whole entry? Click here to go straight to the album!)
I'm not the only one who noticed Spring in Central Park.
I don't know why I stayed away from my camera for so long. I honestly can't offer you any sort of valid explanation or excuse. There were so many days where I told myself, "Get up. Go take a picture. This is the thing you love to do. You live in NYC. It's impossible not to find something interesting to see." And then I didn't get up. I didn't do the thing I love to do. I just shrank back inside myself to hide. I was like this for months.
I spoke to a friend about this feeling recently, about how it's like an emotionally dulling blanket or haze of a never-ending lazy Sunday hanging over you. I wasn't depressed or hating the world, but I had somehow let some sort of irrational fear infiltrate my thoughts and create a hesitancy to do anything related to taking photos. The fear was so irrational that I can't even explain what exactly I was afraid of--probably whatever thing gave me the best excuse to not pick up my camera and leave the house on any given day.
But it's ridiculous. What was there to be afraid of? I'm just taking photographs, not being offered the chance to do open-heart surgery on an infant. So a couple of days ago, I left the house with my camera, lenses, and tripod in hand (well...on my back).
A little light, a little dark, a little blur.
In order to help motivate myself, I created a plan with some loose goals that I wanted to achieve that day. My overall goal wasn't to produce jaw-dropping images or even a cohesive collection; rather, I knew I had to shake off the dust and take baby steps to regain my confidence. I needed to get back to basics and just play. I decided to head to Central Park because it would provide a great mix of nature, architecture, and people. I also wanted to use two lenses in particular--my Rokinon 8mm Ultra Wide Angle f/3.5 Fisheye Lens and my EF 70-300mm f/4-5.6 IS USM telephoto lens. I love the fisheye because it makes me think about more creative angles, and I love the telephoto because it let's me grab more intimate moments without being in a subject's face (which is still awkward for me and a problem if I plan to try and do more street photography...but like I said, baby steps). I also brought along my tripod and shutter remote to set up certain shots. I ended up not using it as much as I intended, but it was still great to have it on hand.
Young Love in the Old Park
Yikes, I was rusty. I was so, so rusty. But I found that with each click and new shot I tried to find, it got easier. It also helped that the Park was bustling with life that day. The plants, the people, the general vibe--it was one of renewal and hope. It was exactly what I needed.
When it came time to edit the photos, I also made it a goal to get back into the swing of how to editorialize and how to decide what I wanted the final image to look like. True to life? Clearly manipulated? Badly Photoshopped? I don't like to use filters too often or just for the sake of using them, but I made myself play with the images and adjust settings manually to figure out which styles and looks appealed to me or worked for the photos. As you'll see in the Album, I didn't pick a single streamlined look for the collection. I generally don't like to do that, but this was an exercise and attempt to find inspiration--so you'll just have to deal with that [enter new, racially diverse winky emoji here].
A remote controlled boat floats around in the distance. Petals from the nearby cherry blossoms lazily drift in the pond. See the full album here.
So check out the full album here if you want to see more of my attempts to get back on the horse. Hopefully, I'll have more new photos and blog entries for you sooner rather than later!
The last set of photos of my shoot with Richard and Laura are now in Portraits and Headshots!
I hope you all enjoyed these photos as much as I enjoyed taking them. SO. MUCH. FUN!
Richard Hackman and I have known each other for about 13 years, having met in high school. We were nerds. We did Speech and Debate (or Forensics, for those of you in the know), we wore suits for tournaments more often than any high schooler should have to on weekends, and we remained friends despite multiple moves and thousands of miles between us. That's the amazing thing about technology and social media, it truly can keep us connected, even if it's just seeing an occasional status update or uploaded photo of a recent life event.
That's why I was thrilled when we both eventually settled down around NYC! Not only is Richard good people, he is a supremely talented artist. On top of that, he is a generous artist. I'm not sure if I can explain how important that last part is to me personally and to people who are just starting out in their medium. He's someone I can always go to when I need feedback on an idea or when I just want to create something but don't feel like doing it on my own at the moment (let's be honest, creating can be very intimidating at times, especially when that crippling fear of failure sneaks up on you).
We Speech and Debate folk gesticulate. Frequently. Whether you like it or not. (Click on the photo to go directly to the gallery)
So I did my best to make one of my oldest, dearest friends look good in these pictures. And Richard, if you're reading this, I hope I've embarrassed you immensely with this post, as fewer things give me more pleasure in life.
To another decade of friendship!
Photographing Laura was so easy. I only make a point to say this because she's not a professional model and doesn't spend hours posing for pictures. When photographing people who aren't used to being in front of the camera, it can be difficult for the subject to feel comfortable. There can be an awkwardness and a hesitation. It can be a miserable experience for the model.
Laura, fortunately, was a natural. Her personal style was classic and timeless with a flare of the modern (check out her socks--killer, right?). Years of dance training was evident through her movements and awareness of her body's lines. If you look closely at some of the photos, you'll see that I shot a few where the angle is a little askew so that the photo seems off-center. I wanted to contrast her effortless sense of balance with something that didn't feel quite right. It also helped that she kept a great sense of humor about her the entire shoot, despite being directed by both me and Richard for over 2 hours with a loud heater blasting overhead.
Perfectly balanced model, camera tilting left.
(And check back tomorrow for another new gallery featuring Richard Hackman)
I'm so lame, but I've somehow managed to become friends with so many cool people. And they happen to know other cool people. And sometimes these cool people let me photograph them.
Here's a preview of the shots I'm currently editing of two immensely cool people I photographed--Richard and Laura. I'm incredibly pleased with how these photos are turning out, so stay tuned for the full galleries.
I lose things constantly. Ask anyone that has known me for awhile or has lived with me, I'm terrible at remembering where I've put things. I don't mean little things like lip balm or coins, I mean my wallet, my phone. I'm really not sure how I manage to convince people that I'm somewhat of an adult. But I've been much better lately about keeping track of these very important items, and if I can't find it in a purse, there's a pretty good chance that it's in my jacket pockets.
I was playing around with the copy stand in the studio the other day and wasn't sure what I wanted to photograph for test shots. I literally reached into my pockets and pulled out whatever I had in there. Here you go:
My black cap; my keys; my keys and cell phone; and my headphones.
Happy Holidays, lovely people! Christmas came and went in a flash, and 2015 is quickly approaching. It's really hard to believe that we're halfway finished with this decade. As a kid, 2015 seemed impossibly far away, but now that it's here, I hope we can all make the best of it.
For 2015, I resolve to be a better blogger for all of you. My updates are so sporadic that it annoys me! It helps that my other resolution is to take even more photographs and work hard at improving my skills. If you need a photographer for events or portraits, don't hesitate to tap me on the shoulder--I'm open to everything (as a photographer, you nerds) in 2015!
I'm also going to try and get back into the running groove. I had some good momentum going in the last half of 2014, but a minor knee thing (I don't even deserve to call it an injury) derailed me. I enjoyed it when I did it, so hopefully I can get back to it soon.
How about you? Any resolutions you're committing to for 2015?
Also, keep an eye out for new galleries and links to the last show I shot for 2014. Featuring Adult Mom, Manors, Free Cake for Every Creature, and Jawbreaker Reunion at Silent Barn! An excellent showcase brought to the people by The Le Sigh, a blog that features women in music and art. The galleries will be posted on New Years Eve, but here's a little taste:
Adult Mom
Manors
Jawbreaker Reunion
Free Cake for Every Creature
So go forth, live your lives to the fullest, and ring in 2015 with the loudest cowbell you can find!
I'm very happy and excited to announce that I've recently become a member of ArtPhotoArt, a fantastic studio and gallery in Bushwick (that's in Brooklyn for all of you non-NYers). It's an outrageously affordable option for photographers that need a studio space and access to basic equipment.
A peek inside the studio. (photo courtesy of ArtPhotoArt)
But what really sold me on joining was the sincerity and passion of ArtPhotoArt's founders--Patricia Maldonado and Ryan Bevilacqua. Patricia and Ryan spent two years running Loft594 and bring their experience and knowledge of the Brooklyn art scene with them, recently curating a show featuring artwork inspired by the borough, "My Muse, Brooklyn". Follow ArtPhotoArt on Twitter, Facebook and Instagram for news about future events and shows!
Hey, that's my picture and name on the Members page!
So what does this all mean for me? Well, it means I am more available for portraits and studio work! Need some new headshots? Want to take a family portrait to send grandma and grandpa back home? Contact me with details and let's work something out!
This also means that I will hopefully be able to pursue some ideas I've had written down forever. I think my early New Year's Resolution will be to complete one of these projects and share it with the world before 2016 comes knocking. Who knows, maybe I'll even finish two projects. Whoa, I know--ambitious. ;-) And yes, I just used an emoticon there. Deal with it.
If you want to collaborate or have had a burning desire to get a project rolling, I'd love to hear about it. TIS THE SEASON TO GET CREATIVE, FA-LA-LA-LA-LA-LA-LA-LA-LA!
On the last Saturday of November 2014, Sleaford Mods made their US debut at The Wick in Williamsburg, Brooklyn. They, along with the opening acts--The Rogers Sisters and The Gotobeds--sounded on point and filled the relatively large Brooklyn space with energy and intensity. I really enjoyed shooting this show (despite the pretty dim lighting) and hope to catch these bands again soon.
Sleaford Mods
The Rogers Sisters
The Gotobeds
